I find that my relationship with God is something I have a hard time describing. While not an emotional blank slate, I’m not the kind of person who gets intense about things. In many ways, I’ve limited my ability to exude extreme emotions, coming from a family background where that has brought a lot of pain and broken relationships. That means that when it comes to being passionate about something, I don’t necessarily start jumping up and down. When it comes to my relationship with God, I feel sometimes I lack the enthusiasm others around me have. I don’t tend to cry during worship or even raise my hands. To be honest, I have a hard time with worship music period. I don’t think its wrong, I just don’t get into it.
I’ve wondered over the years if this means there’s something wrong in my relationship with God. I’ve asked questions like: Is there some sin in my life that is preventing me from being more free? Do I just not love Jesus as much as some of my friends do? Am I just hollow inside?
With our relationship with God, I don’t think these questions are maybe the most helpful ones to ask. First, we all struggle with the effects of sin in our lives. Second, loving Jesus isn’t a quantitative thing. We don’t necessarily love God more or less then the next person. And upon further examination I’ve discovered I’m not hollow or devoid of emotion, as my excitement in watching the new Star Trek trailer proved.
What I’m leaning throughout my life is that being passionate really isn’t about emotion. Jesus had mixed emotions when he prayed in Gethsemane. He knew what was right, but his emotions were anything but enthusiasm for the task before him. Passion for Jesus was about always pushing to be closer to God’s purpose for him, to know God even when he felt so very distant. To be passionate about something is to move beyond simply excitement to a level of steadfast commitment. I want to be passionate about God the way Jesus was. This doesn’t mean I couldn’t stand to loosen up a bit during worship or get as excited about what God is doing as I am about Star Trek. When we’re sold out to something, our whole being is captured by it, not just our emotions. I want to have that kind of passion, a passion that moves beyond emotions to a deep sense of connection and purpose.
What are you that committed to?